Obtained The Holiness Choon-ja Kim (Chilgok Grace Church)

Twenty-four years ago, I followed my elder sister to church for the first time in my life. I kept attending church since then. Although I¡¯ve attended church for a long time, I just participated in church services without knowing who Jesus was and what church was. I thought I did my duties as a religious person by doing that. On the outside, I was a person who was a religious life, but in my heart, I was a person who followed my desires, led by fleshly thoughts.

After marriage, I moved often. Whenever I moved, I went to a church nearby my house. In December 1993, I got an apartment in Chilgok. There I continued my religious life attending a newly established church near by Chilgok underpass. From that time on, my heart became void and nothing could fill it. When I sat on a chair to pray in church every week, there was nothing to pray for except ¡°Forgive me a sinner who didn¡¯t live according to Your Word.¡± This was the subject of my every prayer. Meanwhile, my fleshly life continued.

Even though I tried to be eager for church services, I was always burdened by an inferiority complex that I didn¡¯t get proper education as well as by the discomport in my body. The more I attended church, the more I was burdened with the feeling of increased responsibility. Reading the Bible, praying, preaching the gospel, endeavoring meetings, servicing, and offering, etc. If I didn¡¯t do well in all these things, I was tormented by a guilty conscience. One day, I had a thought like this: ¡°If I don¡¯t believe in Jesus in the future, this will be fine. However, if I do this forever, this kind of religious life is not meaningful for me. I need to know clearly about God.¡± After inquiring myself about how to understand the Bible, I frankly told my cousin what was in my heart. (Eun-sook Choi, Sister in Chilgok Grace Church). When she heard me, she told me, ¡°Sister, it¡¯s natural that human can¡¯t keep the Law. The reason that God gave us His Law is for us to realize we are sinners.¡± She recommended me to meet her minister.

But because I¡¯ve heard people speaking ill of Chilgok Grace Church, I refused her advice. Upon her continuous offer to bring her minister to my house, I angrily said, ¡°If you come alone, come! But if you bring your minister, don¡¯t come!¡± After then, my religious life continued as it did in the past. Last January, my mother¡¯s sister (Eun-sook Choi¡¯s mother) attended the winter retreat which was held by my cousin¡¯s church. Since then, my mother¡¯s sister told us, ¡°My dear, your faith is in wrong direction. It will lead you to nothing how hard you may try.¡± And she asked me to come to her church once to listen to the Word even promising her return visit to my church. I thought she had changed because she was kind of brainwashed at the retreat. After then, she often told us that we had to be saved. Because she said that we were all wrong, I said to her, ¡°You believe in your way, and we do in our ways.¡± But I couldn¡¯t help but being surprised at her image totally changed. Before, she was more than a worldly person.

On every Sunday, she attended her friends¡¯ meetings without fail. She was the first woman to enjoy singing, dancing, and drinking. Then after returning from the retreat, she stopped associating with her old friends and dumped away everything she had enjoyed. And she read the Bible everyday and attended every church service. ¡°What changed her like that?¡± ? with this thought, I began to open my heart toward the church little by little. One day, the minister and his wife of Chilgok Grace Church visited me without notice. One side I was glad, but in other side I precautioned against them. Because I wanted to escape from the minister, I excused saying ¡°I¡¯m busy. I have to go somewhere.¡± The minister asked me to talk for only 10 minutes. I knew that once we started to talk, it would last longer. But I entered my room with them.

Actually when I started to talk, it was easy for me to talk about what was kept in my troubled heart. He told me about Cornelius, Jacob and Esau. In the Word of Bible, I saw where my heart was. I was in the position of Cornelius and Esau who were eager and seemed good toward God, but was not saved. Jacob was blessed with the help of his mother, but Esau couldn¡¯t be blessed because he had lived without his mother in his heart. Like Esau, I saw myself who had lived without any relation with Jesus.

While I listened to the minister, I thought I met a real servant of God, and I was thankful. The trouble and problems that had been piled up till then began to solve one by one. I felt as if I was relieved of indigestion. The next day, we met again and I had questions after questions. While I had the counseling, the doubts I had had began to be cleared. A few days later, I attended the Bible seminar at South Taegu Church. The guest speaker was Pastor Dong-sung Kim. While I heard the Word, I reallized the gospel in the Bible. I understood why Jesus had died. Of course, I knew before that Jesus was nailed on the cross for our sins. However, I was troubled by my behavior because I couldn¡¯t live according to the Word. When I heard the Word of John 19:30 ¡°It is finished.¡± in the seminar, I could have a faith in my heart that Jesus accomplished His work of washing the sins of mine. And I knew that the Lamb that was a sacrifice was the shadow of Jesus. And also I knew that Jesus entered the holy place in heaven and there He scattered His blood in order to redeem our sins.

¡°Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he enter-ed in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us.¡± (Hebrews 9:12) ¡°Who serve unto the example and shadow of heavenly things, as Moses was admonished of God when he was about to make the tabernacle: for, See, saith he, that thou make all things according to the pattern showed to thee in the mount.¡± (Hebrews 8:5) ¡°For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in teh presence of God for us.¡± (Hebrews 9:24) The minister read to me Hebrews, chapter 10, verse 10 and 18. ¡°By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.¡± He asked me to read inserting my name instead of ¡°us¡± from the verse. I read ¡°By that will Choon-ja Kim has been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.¡± I believed that all my sins were forgiven by Jesus Christ.

After being saved at the seminar in South Taegu Church, I tried to attend Chilgok Grace Church from the next week. Then the pastor and his wife of my previous church came to me. They gave me a book which carried a critic writing against Good News Mission. They objected to me going to the church, saying, ¡°Why of all things did you choose that church? We¡¯ll never allow you to go to that church.¡± I said to them in return, ¡°They easily explained what the Bible tells us about how to be forgiven and what is righteousness. I don¡¯t know why you say they are wrong.¡± The pastor said that they were explaining the Bible in the wrong way. And they said I was a fool to try that church. They added, ¡°If you find any wrong from the church, please escape from it as soon as possible.¡± Out of all of these things, I was pleased with the gospel I¡¯ve realized. I couldn¡¯t deny the fact that the Word was right. So no matter what people said, I decided to go to Chilgok Grace Church with a heart to follow the Word of the Bible. And from that week, I attended the service in Chilgok Grace Church. Then I remembered the abusive sayings against Chilgok Grace Church, which troubled my heart.

When I first received salvation, the minister told me to read the books of Romans and Galatians. Before I was saved, I seldom read the Bible, but now I can understand it. After I finished them, I wanted to read another book of the Bible. My heart was good and pleased. Then as time passed by, my heart became heavy and confused again. The pastor of my previous church visited me continuously and made me have a mixed heart. A sister who belonged to the church made me troubled too. Under the circumstance, I went to Chilgok Grace Church some times and other times not, and I repeated that for a while.

Then, I attended last summer retreat of Good News Mission. I heard the Word in the gospel class. There was nothing wrong. It was so biblical and true Word of God. The faith toward God who is the beginning and the end entered into my mind. I clearly knew what I believed before was wrong. A few months ago, I looked my mother¡¯s sister with strange eyes who returned from the winter retreat. Then after this summer retreat, I felt my heart was the same as hers. I found the Word were planted in my heart. The only unchanged rock is God¡¯s Word. Now I¡¯m being led by my cousin for my life in faith. I believe that God will lead my life and He¡¯ll use me to lead many unsaved people to the Lord.